found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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