I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if only i could text you this smell
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
