I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
