chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
