going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
