Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
