I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
