Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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