He kissed a someone with a penis
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
