Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
