So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
