eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
