yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize