Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize