I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
