we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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