I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
