It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Every concussion has its silver lining
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
