then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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