please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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