we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
