In the future we'll all be gay
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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