so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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