She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
