pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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