Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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