why didn't you poke me back
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
