Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
