How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
