Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
