Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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