I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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