I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
