my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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