we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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