i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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