If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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