I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
