he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
try to milk me bitch
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
