I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
