We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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