Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
