My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
