You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
