soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
