...so i touched it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
