I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
