i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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