Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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