I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
