do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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