You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
