Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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