super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
