Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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