Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
