wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
