Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
