i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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