Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
