dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
