i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize