Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
