Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
