Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
