I have demons in me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
