watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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